Yesterday, I spoke on the Gift of a Child at Cowboy Country Church in Mineral Point, Wisconsin. I shared with the congregation all of the things that my child given up for adoption has given me, as well as others whom she never knew. I sat in my seat before going up, suddenly second-guessing myself. "Does this matter to anyone? Does this contribute to anyone's spiritual life?" But, it was too late to back out. The talk will be on the Internet soon, so you can hear it, but what amazed me was hearing how many people were touched by hearing someone else's story of pain and spiritual growth.
II Corinthians 1:3-6 says:
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ. Now if we are afflicted, it is for your consolation and salvation, which is effective for enduring the same sufferings which we also suffer. Or if we are comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation."
Transparency is what makes us real. Our weaknesses show the strength of God. We all have things in our past we would rather people didn't know, whether strangers or our children. Perfect people don't inspire people to come to Christ; forgiven, empowered people inspire people to come to salvation. Do you have to share every gory detail with everyone on earth? No. But, sometime, one story could change someone's life.
"I am not my own, for I am bought with a price; therefore, glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's." I Corinthians 6:20.
My story is not mine, any more than my life is. It is now His. And if it can bring comfort or conviction to anyone, then it is His property, not mine.
Monday, January 25, 2016
Tuesday, January 19, 2016
Everybody is Proud and Prejudiced!
Pride and Prejudice? Really? Yes. While it seems out of place on a blog about God in the Great Everyday, I have read or watched Pride and Prejudice several dozen times, analyzed it with my high school English class under Dr. Grosch and with my daughter Sarah to do her final paper and I believe it has great lessons for our daily lives.
Many people like to characterize Elizabeth and Darcy as either Pride or Prejudice. Remember Tom Hanks's character in You've Got Mail: "Elizabeth Bennet is pride and Darcy is prejudice -- or is it the other way? I forget." But, every good book has a theme that runs throughout the book and Jane Austen, being a great author, does not let a single character slip through her fingers untouched by her theme: that Pride and Prejudice go together.
The most extreme example of pride and prejudice is Mrs. Bennett. Mrs. Bennet has egregious pride about things and people which are either not worthy of it, such as the ill-behaved Lydia, or she had nothing to do with, such as Bingley's fortune. Along with that goes her prejudice, both for and against. Her pride in Lydia causes her to prejudiced toward her in such a way that it actually makes Lydia behave worse. She is embarrassingly prejudiced in favor of Wickham, who made off with her daughter but finally marries her, her highest goal of motherhood, and Bingley, though there is no actual discussion of marriage with her daughter Jane, just her daydreams and an inclination on Jane's and Bingley's parts. She is rude to Darcy because of her prejudice against him, when he had saved the whole family from social and financial ruin by financing Lydia's and Wickham's marriage and future career. While it could be argued that she was not aware of this, if she had had less prejudice and more grace, she would have exhibited common courtesy, been more polite and saved herself embarrassment when she was told that Elizabeth had made the most successful marriage of all of her daughters in marrying Darcy.
The opposite end of the spectrum are Jane and Bingley, who are very humble and not prejudiced in the least. Jane likes Bingley but doesn't presume to think he will marry her just because he danced with her a few times and is quietly mortified by her mother's bragging on her beauty. She also thinks the best of everyone and is always giving others the benefit of the doubt, most noticeably Bingley's sisters, who are selfish and thoughtless and deliberately hurt Jane's feelings when they leave for London by talking about their hopes for Bingley and Darcy's sister. Jane thinks he must never have truly cared for her. Bingley, according to Darcy, "was persuaded that she didn't care for him." His lack of prejudice is shown in his patience with Jane's overwhelmingly thoughtful mother, Mrs. Bennett.
The reason that Elizabeth and Darcy are the main characters is that they exhibit the theme by changing. Elizabeth is a smart and honest girl, with an innate sense of fairness, though she is a girl like any other. Her personal pride was already hurt by Darcy's overheard insult that she wasn't pretty enough to tempt him to dance, making her prejudiced against him to begin with. Because of that prejudice, she was inclined to take Wickham's tale of Darcy's wrongdoings at face value, rather than being sure to hear Darcy's side of the story. She becomes severely prejudiced against Darcy after hearing that he separated Jane and Bingley through his influence.
Darcy's initial pride at the Assembly dance, where he meets the Bennetts, causes him to speak thoughtlessly to Bingley. He is like many people when put into an unfamiliar environment: he puts others down to make himself feel stronger. Unfortunately, someone was hurt - Elizabeth - and he soon comes to the conclusion that she's not as indifferent-looking as he had expressed earlier. He doesn't know why she doesn't care for him and is unaware that it was his own thoughtless words that prejudiced her against him. His greatest pride is not in his money or connections, but the other attributes of being a gentleman: behavior and honor.
The marriage proposal is the turning point of the story. Elizabeth finally expresses all of her pent up prejudice against him concerning Wickham and Jane. She is too nice a character to yell at him based on her own slights; she defends the weak, in her mind. She accuses Darcy of not being a gentleman. For the first time, he is struck to the quick and humbled. This exchange causes both of them to reevaluate their opinions. Darcy's humiliation prompts him to write the letter of explanation about Wickham and his sister, Georgiana, which he would have hidden as ungentlemanly to talk about. The letter itself humbles Elizabeth, who is made aware of how unreasonable her prejudices were and how unfair she was to Darcy. She even admits that Jane's modest behavior might have looked as though she didn't have a decided preference for Bingley. They see each other with new eyes, especially seen in their interchange at Pemberley, where he graciously entertains her aunt and uncle and she is friendly to his sister.
The final humility and grace (as opposed to pride) is shown at the end of the story when she must receive a gift from him that she can never repay and the substance of that gift is Darcy making possible a marriage with Lydia and Wickham, whom he hoped never to see again, in the hopes that he will be able to marry Elizabeth, making him Wickham's brother-in-law! Talk about humbling.
When Lady Catherine shows up on the Bennett doorstep to insist that Elizabeth not marry Darcy, Elizabeth shows Darcy grace by not saying, "Don't worry about me, lady. I wouldn't have him on a plate!", which is, essentially, what she was saying the whole first half of the book. Darcy shows Elizabeth grace by not sneering at her family, which Mrs. Bennett's embarrassing fluttering over Bingley and ignoring of Darcy could very well have called for.
Jane Austen is telling us that pride leads us to say and do hurtful things, the outworking of prejudice, and that humility gives us grace for others. Elizabeth and Darcy show us that it is possible to be transformed and gain both humility and grace. "For God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." James 4:6, I Peter 5:5.
Many people like to characterize Elizabeth and Darcy as either Pride or Prejudice. Remember Tom Hanks's character in You've Got Mail: "Elizabeth Bennet is pride and Darcy is prejudice -- or is it the other way? I forget." But, every good book has a theme that runs throughout the book and Jane Austen, being a great author, does not let a single character slip through her fingers untouched by her theme: that Pride and Prejudice go together.
The most extreme example of pride and prejudice is Mrs. Bennett. Mrs. Bennet has egregious pride about things and people which are either not worthy of it, such as the ill-behaved Lydia, or she had nothing to do with, such as Bingley's fortune. Along with that goes her prejudice, both for and against. Her pride in Lydia causes her to prejudiced toward her in such a way that it actually makes Lydia behave worse. She is embarrassingly prejudiced in favor of Wickham, who made off with her daughter but finally marries her, her highest goal of motherhood, and Bingley, though there is no actual discussion of marriage with her daughter Jane, just her daydreams and an inclination on Jane's and Bingley's parts. She is rude to Darcy because of her prejudice against him, when he had saved the whole family from social and financial ruin by financing Lydia's and Wickham's marriage and future career. While it could be argued that she was not aware of this, if she had had less prejudice and more grace, she would have exhibited common courtesy, been more polite and saved herself embarrassment when she was told that Elizabeth had made the most successful marriage of all of her daughters in marrying Darcy.
The opposite end of the spectrum are Jane and Bingley, who are very humble and not prejudiced in the least. Jane likes Bingley but doesn't presume to think he will marry her just because he danced with her a few times and is quietly mortified by her mother's bragging on her beauty. She also thinks the best of everyone and is always giving others the benefit of the doubt, most noticeably Bingley's sisters, who are selfish and thoughtless and deliberately hurt Jane's feelings when they leave for London by talking about their hopes for Bingley and Darcy's sister. Jane thinks he must never have truly cared for her. Bingley, according to Darcy, "was persuaded that she didn't care for him." His lack of prejudice is shown in his patience with Jane's overwhelmingly thoughtful mother, Mrs. Bennett.
The reason that Elizabeth and Darcy are the main characters is that they exhibit the theme by changing. Elizabeth is a smart and honest girl, with an innate sense of fairness, though she is a girl like any other. Her personal pride was already hurt by Darcy's overheard insult that she wasn't pretty enough to tempt him to dance, making her prejudiced against him to begin with. Because of that prejudice, she was inclined to take Wickham's tale of Darcy's wrongdoings at face value, rather than being sure to hear Darcy's side of the story. She becomes severely prejudiced against Darcy after hearing that he separated Jane and Bingley through his influence.
Darcy's initial pride at the Assembly dance, where he meets the Bennetts, causes him to speak thoughtlessly to Bingley. He is like many people when put into an unfamiliar environment: he puts others down to make himself feel stronger. Unfortunately, someone was hurt - Elizabeth - and he soon comes to the conclusion that she's not as indifferent-looking as he had expressed earlier. He doesn't know why she doesn't care for him and is unaware that it was his own thoughtless words that prejudiced her against him. His greatest pride is not in his money or connections, but the other attributes of being a gentleman: behavior and honor.
The marriage proposal is the turning point of the story. Elizabeth finally expresses all of her pent up prejudice against him concerning Wickham and Jane. She is too nice a character to yell at him based on her own slights; she defends the weak, in her mind. She accuses Darcy of not being a gentleman. For the first time, he is struck to the quick and humbled. This exchange causes both of them to reevaluate their opinions. Darcy's humiliation prompts him to write the letter of explanation about Wickham and his sister, Georgiana, which he would have hidden as ungentlemanly to talk about. The letter itself humbles Elizabeth, who is made aware of how unreasonable her prejudices were and how unfair she was to Darcy. She even admits that Jane's modest behavior might have looked as though she didn't have a decided preference for Bingley. They see each other with new eyes, especially seen in their interchange at Pemberley, where he graciously entertains her aunt and uncle and she is friendly to his sister.
The final humility and grace (as opposed to pride) is shown at the end of the story when she must receive a gift from him that she can never repay and the substance of that gift is Darcy making possible a marriage with Lydia and Wickham, whom he hoped never to see again, in the hopes that he will be able to marry Elizabeth, making him Wickham's brother-in-law! Talk about humbling.
When Lady Catherine shows up on the Bennett doorstep to insist that Elizabeth not marry Darcy, Elizabeth shows Darcy grace by not saying, "Don't worry about me, lady. I wouldn't have him on a plate!", which is, essentially, what she was saying the whole first half of the book. Darcy shows Elizabeth grace by not sneering at her family, which Mrs. Bennett's embarrassing fluttering over Bingley and ignoring of Darcy could very well have called for.
Jane Austen is telling us that pride leads us to say and do hurtful things, the outworking of prejudice, and that humility gives us grace for others. Elizabeth and Darcy show us that it is possible to be transformed and gain both humility and grace. "For God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." James 4:6, I Peter 5:5.
Sunday, January 10, 2016
Coming to Terms with a Special Needs Kid
Last year, I took my daughter Anna on her turn to help me at the Sheep and Wool Festival. Within two days, three people asked me if she had problems. Fortunately, a friend who also homeschools and has a business at Sheep and Wool is also a child occupational therapist and recommended we go to our doctor and get a prescription for occupational therapy. I was starting to get anxious.
I took her advice, and we got an appointment with the doctor. We also had a blood test done, because she was 11, 5 feet tall and weighed 190 pounds. The doctor asked her if she felt self-conscious about her speech, and, to my joy, she didn't. While she had difficulty with her "r's" and sibiliants, the atmosphere that she had experienced was encouraging enough that her family and friends had never made fun of her speech patterns. That was my happy. After that, things were not so happy.
The first thing we found was, she was an 11 year old Type II diabetic. We have tried so many things, but she has only gone up and is now 12 years old, 5 foot 2 inches and 125 pounds.
The next thing we found out, at the occupational therapist, was that mostly, her brain is fine, and the fact that she reads like a fiend is beneficial to her. Beyond that, she is delayed almost, but not quite, to the level where she would get therapy at school in two areas: fine motor coordination and visual perception.
Next, the speech therapist discovered that her tongue is actually too large for her mouth, which explains the speech difficulties. She also had difficulties finishing sentences that begin with prepositional phrases.
So, I lay in bed one Saturday morning praying about Anna.
"God, does Anna have learning problems?" "Yes."
So, I cried. I could not be happy to have an over-sized daughter with speech impediments, chronic illness and learning problems. I want her to be loved and admired and for life to be easy and happy for her.
But then, God made me be honest with myself. I know other kids who have learning problems and physical problems and, really, she was so much better off! She has people around who love her, she is a fantastic reader and storyteller, has compassion for cats and is one of the favorite playmates of her 6 year old brother. At homeschool camp later that summer, I talked with a friend of mine whose 6 foot 7 inch son has severe Aspberger's Syndrome. She was so encouraging to me of different things to do and gave me beautiful perspective on Anna.
She is smart. Advanced Math is not important for life, but arithmetic is. Playing games and doing chores is vitally important to her education, perhaps even more than academic work. And, on top of that, I have had my pride well and truly squashed, which is always a good thing. I had to grieve for what I had hoped she would be, but now I see all the things she can be.
She took the Iowa tests at the beginning of the school year. I realized that, with her birthday at the end of September, I can actually call her a 6th grader, rather than 7th grader. While that does lower the standard, I want her to be successful for her heart's sake. Interestingly, that didn't affect her testing at all! Yes, her math concepts were about 3rd grade. So were her understanding of the use of reference materials. Guess what: I never taught her how to use them, so how could she know them? The same went with the prepositional phrase starts to sentences that the speech therapist gave her: I never worked on grammar or sentence construction with her -- how could she know them? On the other hand, her reading comprehension and vocabulary were at 8th and 9th grade -- above average by any standard -- and her spelling was in the whopping 13th grade! A college freshman!
Does she have challenges? Yes. Her math stinks and she has a hard time manipulating a pencil. Is she going to be awkward socially? For a while, definitely, until we give her the tools to understand other people's needs. Does she need to lose weight? It is life and death that she does. Do we need to expect more from her? Yes. She is not a baby and if we treat her as one, she will behave as one. But, is she capable of contributing to society? Yes. She is either going to be a crazy cat lady or a vet, but both of those contribute to society. And right now, she is skating with another awkward, overgrown little girl who desperately wants a friend. And she is being a friend.
I took her advice, and we got an appointment with the doctor. We also had a blood test done, because she was 11, 5 feet tall and weighed 190 pounds. The doctor asked her if she felt self-conscious about her speech, and, to my joy, she didn't. While she had difficulty with her "r's" and sibiliants, the atmosphere that she had experienced was encouraging enough that her family and friends had never made fun of her speech patterns. That was my happy. After that, things were not so happy.
The first thing we found was, she was an 11 year old Type II diabetic. We have tried so many things, but she has only gone up and is now 12 years old, 5 foot 2 inches and 125 pounds.
The next thing we found out, at the occupational therapist, was that mostly, her brain is fine, and the fact that she reads like a fiend is beneficial to her. Beyond that, she is delayed almost, but not quite, to the level where she would get therapy at school in two areas: fine motor coordination and visual perception.
Next, the speech therapist discovered that her tongue is actually too large for her mouth, which explains the speech difficulties. She also had difficulties finishing sentences that begin with prepositional phrases.
So, I lay in bed one Saturday morning praying about Anna.
"God, does Anna have learning problems?" "Yes."
So, I cried. I could not be happy to have an over-sized daughter with speech impediments, chronic illness and learning problems. I want her to be loved and admired and for life to be easy and happy for her.
But then, God made me be honest with myself. I know other kids who have learning problems and physical problems and, really, she was so much better off! She has people around who love her, she is a fantastic reader and storyteller, has compassion for cats and is one of the favorite playmates of her 6 year old brother. At homeschool camp later that summer, I talked with a friend of mine whose 6 foot 7 inch son has severe Aspberger's Syndrome. She was so encouraging to me of different things to do and gave me beautiful perspective on Anna.
She is smart. Advanced Math is not important for life, but arithmetic is. Playing games and doing chores is vitally important to her education, perhaps even more than academic work. And, on top of that, I have had my pride well and truly squashed, which is always a good thing. I had to grieve for what I had hoped she would be, but now I see all the things she can be.
She took the Iowa tests at the beginning of the school year. I realized that, with her birthday at the end of September, I can actually call her a 6th grader, rather than 7th grader. While that does lower the standard, I want her to be successful for her heart's sake. Interestingly, that didn't affect her testing at all! Yes, her math concepts were about 3rd grade. So were her understanding of the use of reference materials. Guess what: I never taught her how to use them, so how could she know them? The same went with the prepositional phrase starts to sentences that the speech therapist gave her: I never worked on grammar or sentence construction with her -- how could she know them? On the other hand, her reading comprehension and vocabulary were at 8th and 9th grade -- above average by any standard -- and her spelling was in the whopping 13th grade! A college freshman!
Does she have challenges? Yes. Her math stinks and she has a hard time manipulating a pencil. Is she going to be awkward socially? For a while, definitely, until we give her the tools to understand other people's needs. Does she need to lose weight? It is life and death that she does. Do we need to expect more from her? Yes. She is not a baby and if we treat her as one, she will behave as one. But, is she capable of contributing to society? Yes. She is either going to be a crazy cat lady or a vet, but both of those contribute to society. And right now, she is skating with another awkward, overgrown little girl who desperately wants a friend. And she is being a friend.
Sunday, January 3, 2016
What I need -- what I want
A few months ago, I bought a new bible. I also bought one for a friend who had just become a Christian. I bought two, identical in every way, except the cover. My friend has dark hair and I thought that a burgundy and gray Bible would be just right for her. For myself, I picked the perfect cover: it was a light caramel color with a faux leather cover with flowers stamped on it. I wanted it so much. It was completely me!
The bibles arrived. I opened them, wrote the dedications in the front and then realized something: the burgundy and gray one had three snaps on it to keep it closed; the caramel one did not. My friend has rheumatoid arthritis and her hands are swollen and the snap at the top of her bible was very stiff; she wouldn't be able to open it easily or comfortably. It made me very sad, but I realized that she should have the caramel -- my beautiful, perfect-for-me bible. I sadly wrote a new dedication in the caramel bible and gave it to her on the day of her baptism. I had really wanted that bible.
It took only a few days to realize that God gave me the bible that I needed. I wanted to carry the new bible in my purse and I put everything in my purse: two organizers, wallet, crayons, (no diapers, anymore) snacks, knitting. If I put the caramel bible in my purse, it would have been wrecked in a few months, but the snaps on the burgundy and gray protected it so the pages wouldn't get rumpled and torn.
I could thank God because He gave me, not what I wanted, but what I needed. And the fact that I don't care for the colors keeps me humble and is a reminder that what I need is better than what I want.
The bibles arrived. I opened them, wrote the dedications in the front and then realized something: the burgundy and gray one had three snaps on it to keep it closed; the caramel one did not. My friend has rheumatoid arthritis and her hands are swollen and the snap at the top of her bible was very stiff; she wouldn't be able to open it easily or comfortably. It made me very sad, but I realized that she should have the caramel -- my beautiful, perfect-for-me bible. I sadly wrote a new dedication in the caramel bible and gave it to her on the day of her baptism. I had really wanted that bible.
It took only a few days to realize that God gave me the bible that I needed. I wanted to carry the new bible in my purse and I put everything in my purse: two organizers, wallet, crayons, (no diapers, anymore) snacks, knitting. If I put the caramel bible in my purse, it would have been wrecked in a few months, but the snaps on the burgundy and gray protected it so the pages wouldn't get rumpled and torn.
I could thank God because He gave me, not what I wanted, but what I needed. And the fact that I don't care for the colors keeps me humble and is a reminder that what I need is better than what I want.
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