Keeping Your Children's Hearts

I was talking with my midwives on the way out the door and we were talking about how psychology affects when you deliver your baby.  That's a story for another day, but the fact is, since my third child, every one of them has been born between 7 and 9:30 PM.  I've had birthing professionals astonished at that fact, but I put it down to the fact that I (Mom) am on call all day and there is something in my psyche that says, "Mom is off the clock," by 7 PM.  Now, I can relax and here comes the baby.  My 15 year old daughter, Sarah, pointed out that nowadays, the teens start coming in to my room at about 9:30 PM to talk.  So, the clock goes back on.  My oldest son, Ben, is notorious for coming in at 11:30 and taking a half hour to rev up to his subject, and I end up talking with him till 1:00 AM, when I point out that  my vision is blurring and I don't understand what I'm saying.  The teens actually fight over time to talk with Mom, because some of them are extroverts and don't mind having others there and others are introverts and will not speak if there is someone else in on the conversation.  No matter what their personalities, when they hit about 14, they want to talk.  Ironically, they each all need time to be alone, even the extroverts, but that talking time is precious to them.

Why do my children want to talk to me?  I think I caught it from my parents.  There were two things they did for my brother and me: 1) they would drop anything to talk to us and enjoyed the conversation and 2) no subject was off limits.  Now, in actuality, John and I knew there were certain subjects that Mom, in particular, would not want to discuss, but if you came in at the right angle, even those were discussable.  There was never a reaction of "Hrmph!  Hrmph!  I don't want to talk about it."   So, that's what John and I do with our children.

Well, when you've got kids ranging in age from 2 to 20, how do you prioritize them?  I have heard that two year olds and teens are going through the same place: they are recognizing their separation from their parents.  That results in bouts of childishness, when they are afraid to be separate and bouts of independence, when they are establishing that separation.  And so, in order of precedence, the first person you listen to is a 2 year old.  Next, the teens.  They need to know they are important NOW, but they can wait the three minutes it takes to negotiate the onset of adulthood with a 2 year old.  Someone else can always tend to the baby and, in any case, babies are more hands on, less mouth on (does that make sense?).  You can always change a diaper and nurse while talking to a teen.  Lastly, come the 6-12 year olds because they just want to show you their frogs.  It's such a lovely stage.

The way to keep your children's hearts: keep listening to them, encouraging their thoughts and actions.