Keeping Your Children's Hearts

I was talking with my midwives on the way out the door and we were talking about how psychology affects when you deliver your baby.  That's a story for another day, but the fact is, since my third child, every one of them has been born between 7 and 9:30 PM.  I've had birthing professionals astonished at that fact, but I put it down to the fact that I (Mom) am on call all day and there is something in my psyche that says, "Mom is off the clock," by 7 PM.  Now, I can relax and here comes the baby.  My 15 year old daughter, Sarah, pointed out that nowadays, the teens start coming in to my room at about 9:30 PM to talk.  So, the clock goes back on.  My oldest son, Ben, is notorious for coming in at 11:30 and taking a half hour to rev up to his subject, and I end up talking with him till 1:00 AM, when I point out that  my vision is blurring and I don't understand what I'm saying.  The teens actually fight over time to talk with Mom, because some of them are extroverts and don't mind having others there and others are introverts and will not speak if there is someone else in on the conversation.  No matter what their personalities, when they hit about 14, they want to talk.  Ironically, they each all need time to be alone, even the extroverts, but that talking time is precious to them.

Why do my children want to talk to me?  I think I caught it from my parents.  There were two things they did for my brother and me: 1) they would drop anything to talk to us and enjoyed the conversation and 2) no subject was off limits.  Now, in actuality, John and I knew there were certain subjects that Mom, in particular, would not want to discuss, but if you came in at the right angle, even those were discussable.  There was never a reaction of "Hrmph!  Hrmph!  I don't want to talk about it."   So, that's what John and I do with our children.

Well, when you've got kids ranging in age from 2 to 20, how do you prioritize them?  I have heard that two year olds and teens are going through the same place: they are recognizing their separation from their parents.  That results in bouts of childishness, when they are afraid to be separate and bouts of independence, when they are establishing that separation.  And so, in order of precedence, the first person you listen to is a 2 year old.  Next, the teens.  They need to know they are important NOW, but they can wait the three minutes it takes to negotiate the onset of adulthood with a 2 year old.  Someone else can always tend to the baby and, in any case, babies are more hands on, less mouth on (does that make sense?).  You can always change a diaper and nurse while talking to a teen.  Lastly, come the 6-12 year olds because they just want to show you their frogs.  It's such a lovely stage.

The way to keep your children's hearts: keep listening to them, encouraging their thoughts and actions.

More on Varicose Veins and the wonders of a Maternity Belt

I have been learning more!

Our metabolism slows down, yes, but the relaxin in our system, that loosens everything up in preparation for birth, is the real biggie in slowing down the bowel system and resulting in varicose veins.  My midwife gave me one help and I have accidentally found another.

 First, at least three quarts of water drunk a day will help keep things moving, read, not need to be pushed out, slowing the advance of hemorrhoids, vulval or leg varicosities.

Second, a maternity belt!  I did buy an elastic one from a maternity store, but the velcro died, as it does.  So, I just got some muslin, cut it into a huge triangle and folded it over so the center was like a wide pad.  Then, I put that under my belly, wrapped it around my back and pulled it AS TIGHT AS I COULD, tying a square knot at the front and tucking the ends under on the sides.  I wear it outside my clothes, but under my shirts. Consider it a maternity fashion statement.  If I wear a skirt, I don't have to take it off when using the facilities, but those handy hooks on the backs of stall doors in public restrooms keep it off the ground if I need to take it off while I'm out.  What does the maternity belt do?

1- It lifts the belly, easing pressure on the soft tissues of the pelvis that result in, you guessed it, VARICOSE VEINS!  I have had vulval varicosities for the previous four pregnancies, and none since using the belt.

2- In lifting the belly, my back is able to take some of the weight and I walk more normally, almost my usual pace.  I'm walking a mile and a half a day, usually with a collie on a leash, and I'm not unduly fatigued by the end.

3- Don't worry!  Though the back is taking the belly weight, it is supported by the belt.  I have had almost no pain from my sacral joint (the bottom one of the spine that fits inside your hips and gets all loose from that wonderful relaxin) except when I take the belt off!  In the past, I have found myself stuck, in so much pain from that joint that I couldn't move.  I don't hear joint pops all the time, either. 

Twenty-eight years ago, my grandmother told me that she was advised to wear a maternity girdle.  "I think today they want pregnant women to strengthen their muscles and support themselves," she said.  Don't kid yourselves.  We need all the help we can get.  In the book Childbirth Wisdom, by Judith Goldsmith, what seems universal is a maternity belt, often looked at as a point of pride, but serving a lot of vital uses.  I am eight months pregnant and in the past three days I have carried a fifty pound bucket of wheat berries, more than half a 50 lb. bag of dog food, and two loads of wood up the stairs from the basement.  Yes, I'm a little puffed, but that is the kind of work that traditional and tribal women do all over the world - with the help of a maternity belt.  I don't feel like I have to lie down for a half hour to recover.  I don't want to make you miscarry, so okay it with your doctor or midwife, but women do most of the heavy work around the world, no matter what their "condition".  I credit the maternity belt!