Well, back to our childbirth preparation!
Physical preparation is very important, but of almost more importance is emotional and spiritual preparation. The first question to ask yourself is, "What am I afraid of?" because fear always slows down labor. My wonderful midwife, Gretchen, asked me that with every baby from number 6 on and I didn't do anything about it until number 10. When I realized that it was simply the fear of labor that made it take so long, I wondered at how silly I could be! However, being afraid of labor is common - it is what makes so many women insist on epidurals and c-sections - and it is reasonable. It is hard and it is the reason that so many women in tribal cultures bring their babies out for the first time to a warrior's welcome! You are a warrior because you have really faced your fears and death just the way a warrior does in battle. So, how do you deal with that fear?
The first thing I did was search for scriptures to meditate on whenever I got afraid, even months in advance. You need to find ones that work for you. My pastor's wife has been focusing on God's characteristics of love and strength. I focused on fear and surrender to God. Here are mine.
"For He has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." I Timothy 1:7
"Present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service." Romans 12:1
"Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you are bought with a price; therefore, glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's." I Corinthians 6:19-20
I meditated on these before the labor and during the labor, to keep my mind on the Lord and what He would enable me to do.
The emotional component is partially the spiritual and partially how you relate to the people around you while you are in labor.
There is a very famous midwifery book entitled, Spiritual Midwifery, which midwife Gretchen, who lived on a commune with her family, called hippy-dippy-trippy, but recommended, anyway. What Ina May Gaskin repeated in many ways was, this labor is not about you. Yes, you are the center of it, but you and those around you and the baby are all involved and you will all be happier if you are focused on them, and not what is going on in your body, no matter how difficult it is at the time. Sound difficult? Maybe, but if you go in with the plan of loving those around you and being focused outside of yourself, the labor will be easier. I speak from 10 babies of experience.
My habit in labor has always been to curl up, scrunch up my eyes, grit my teeth, tell everybody to shut up (pardon me) and soldier through each contraction. I wanted to have Anna, #7, in the bathtub, but that habit kept putting my face under water, which was very threatening to life! My last contraction with Noah, just before I started to push, I finally opened my eyes and looked at Steve and it was like a switch turned! At the time, I thought Noah would be the last, so I was irked with myself for waiting for my last transition contraction ever to learn to open my eyes and look outside of myself! Little did I know, I would get another chance with Timothy. So, I determined this time, to keep my eyes open!
I labored most of the night alone, getting up around 2 a.m. to watch a goofy romantic comedy, walking all the while. At 4 a.m., I went to bed and I didn't really doze much because labor was getting harder. While I labored, I would pray my scriptures and tell the baby I loved him. That was something I had determined ahead of time to do because, in the past, I didn't really care when the midwives told me I would soon have a baby - I just wanted the labor to be over! So, I told the baby I loved him. I told God I loved Him. I told Steve, lying there asleep next to me, that I loved him. I reached an arm up to heaven, praying, looking out the dark window. By 6 a.m., I was starting to get mad that Steve was asleep. So, I woke him up. I didn't really need him to be there, but I didn't want him to be asleep! So, he worked in his office for awhile, and the children started to get up. Big sisters were told to help littles get their breakfast. Around 9 a.m., I told Steve that we should help the labor along. We got in the bathtub and he stimulated my nipples to encourage labor. (Sorry about the graphic! No other way to say it). It was remarkable. I had never actually felt my cervix opening before. Pressure, yes, opening, no. So, after a while we got out of the tub. I would ask Steve to look me in the eyes when I had a contraction. "Give me your eyes!" is what I would say. I told him I loved him and he reciprocated. Eventually, I told him it was time to call Lindsey. My daughters, Sarah, 15, and Abri, 13, were helping now. When Steve was giving my back counter pressure, I asked Abri to "give me her eyes." Her eyes flicked one way and then the other. She didn't know what to do! But, those moments while she was trying to figure out what to look at were harder than others. Anyway, Lindsey arrives, we work our way back to my room, she checks my dilation and, wonder of wonders! I am 9 centimeters! I was so thrilled that I was already there that I remembered what our Home First (Chicago) doctor Rosi had told us: laughter helps labor! So, I started laughing, even forcing the laughter to help out, but still, in transition and laughing! I didn't break down in transition, the way I have with every other labor for 30 years; I was happy! I laid down on my side on the bed with Sarah in front of my holding my hand, Abri behind me, pushing my back, Anna and A.J. on the far side of the bed, watching from afar, and Steve, ready to catch the baby, with Lindsey's help. Mimi had gone with Mutti (Grandma) to bring home a Corgi puppy and Mick (19) was in the dining room playing Nerf gun wars with Noah (3). I pushed out a bubble of amniotic sack in front of Timmy's head, the sack burst and he and the sack came out together.
There is my birth story. Keeping my focus off myself and on those around me and knowing that I was where I was because God had called me to it changed my birth experience after so many babies. As our old (in every way!) pastor, Dale Linebaugh said: "God's calling is God's enabling." You can do this because God has brought you to it. You can do this because you are loved and loving. You can do this because He will help you. You do not have to be afraid because He is stronger than you are and would never ask you to do something He wouldn't help you do.
