If there is one thing I have found in common among mothers over 40, it is miscarriage. Whether a woman is trying desperately to have her first IVF child or has been popping babies out for the past 20 years, every woman I know who was leaving their fertility to God has had a miscarriage after 40. In most cases, those women never had another child, though they may have gotten pregnant and just didn't publicize it. I have only one other friend who had subsequent babies after the miscarriage without hormone medication. I am on my second baby after two miscarriages and know that without progesterone therapy, I would not be pregnant right now.
But, whether you have been waiting or were surprised with your pregnancy, losing it is a shock.
I understand how discouraging it can be to families who have been spending thousands of dollars in attempting to have a first baby and have had multiple miscarriages. Even one can have a woman doubting her femininity or even her "right" to have a baby. A friend of mine had a miscarriage at 45 and was convinced that "the wages of sin is death" applied to her. When I questioned the applicability of that scripture in this case, she would have none of it. The fact is, all of us, including little sinners in the womb, are going to die one day. However, God used it to work in her spiritual life, and I certainly wouldn't take that away from her. On the other hand, miscarriage certainly opened my eyes to the mortality of man to give me a perspective that I have never lost.
When I had my miscarriage, I had two weeks warning, so I was somewhat prepared. I only cried about it when my mother (who NEVER cries) came into my room the next day to commiserate. I spent the whole day writing in my children's journals, telling them about the baby and how I thought about them through this. Steve and I didn't discuss our feelings about the miscarriage for FIVE YEARS. But, the awareness of the tentativeness of life has never left me since then.
Later that summer, we were driving in Chicago and Steve had Moody Radio on. The Voice of Moody Radio was speaking and I had a flashback to when I was in high school, listening to his voice late at night. And this time, he sounded so old. I had to turn my face out the window so Steve couldn't see me crying, of all things, over the aging of the Voice of Moody Radio. But, the awareness of mortality hit me like a ton of bricks while I was listening to the radio. I knew we wouldn't be hearing his Voice much longer.
When I was pregnant with Noah, after another miscarriage, I didn't talk about my reservations, but if you had watched me, you would have seen that I ran this pregnancy differently from the others. I bought nothing for the baby. I didn't get out my "newborn" box of clothes and birth items. My friend had a baby shower for me, and I didn't want it until after the baby was born. I needed some crib sheets and I made very sure that they would work for a boy or girl in case the baby died, so I could use the sheets on A.J.'s toddler bed. I was three weeks from my due date. My midwife, during labor, when things seem to be stuck, always asks me what I'm afraid of. Well, there I was, stuck, stark neked, leaning on my bed, and I cried, "I'm afraid of the baby dying! Everybody's dying! Amy died yesterday (a long-time Downs' friend from church), and I didn't even want Steve to get a new car seat, in case the baby died!" Well, that was a shocker to everyone, even Steve, who had no clue I had been suffering under that fear for the whole pregnancy. They assured me the baby was alive and kicking and just waiting to be born.
This pregnancy, I had a faint positive. I got going on the progesterone therapy immediately, but I didn't want to tell anyone until we heard a heartbeat, which we did at 13 weeks. It turned out it was high time, because I was already showing and people were beginning to wonder. I am now 16 weeks and haven't felt the baby move, so I am, once again, reserving enthusiasm. We don't do routine ultrasounds, but this is one time when I can see how reassuring one would be.
A miscarriage changes you. My loss has matured me (funny coming from a geriatric mother!) and given me grace. You may have recurring bouts of tears. Or, you may question your womanhood. Or, you may live with an undercurrent of fear of loss. Or, you may come to value every life we get to touch, aware of life's fragility. I hope to get there one day.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Those Uuuuuugly Varicose Veins!
Ugly, ugly, ugly. And they come in so many permutations! Most commonly in pregnancy is legs, anus (hemorrhoids) and vulva. For moms over 35, particularly those who have had several children, they become hard to avoid.
They all have essentially one cause: pressure from above preventing the returning blood from getting back up your legs results in a bulge in the wall of the vein. The answer to them all is: take a load off, which will happen after the baby is born and they should all clear up within a couple of weeks. But what do you do in the meantime?
I have found that taking baths instead of showers balances the pressure inside and outside and makes things more comfortable. This should help no matter where your veins are troubling you.
I've been fortunate never to have had varicose veins in the legs. Support hosiery, not standing for long periods and spending time with your legs above your heart every day are supposed to help this condition.
Hemorrhoids are fixed by keeping the pipes cleared. They are caused by over-straining on the toilet. As I discussed before, the slower metabolism of us over-35 moms means that this is something that requires serious attention. High fiber, lots of water, and exercise help this. My personal go-to is prune juice. Whatever works for you.
The third kind is found almost exclusively in mothers of many children: vulval varicose veins. They generally are on one side or other of the external labia and are not a problem for birth, they're just darned uncomfortable. If you can get a hold of comfrey leaves, making a poultice and putting it in a pad is supposed to help. If you don't have an herb garden, you might be able to find them through an online herbalist. However, an easier remedy to acquire is witch hazel from the local drugstore. Soak a pad with it, and put it in the freezer and it will ease the discomfort when you use it. I actually find that, in the third trimester, when the baby is carrying more forward and less inside the pelvis, they go away. But, that's me. The only time vulval varicose veins are a problem are when they cross the perineum at the time of birth. At that time, you run the risk of a rupture of the vein. Your doctor or midwife can give you advice about how to proceed with your delivery.
They all have essentially one cause: pressure from above preventing the returning blood from getting back up your legs results in a bulge in the wall of the vein. The answer to them all is: take a load off, which will happen after the baby is born and they should all clear up within a couple of weeks. But what do you do in the meantime?
I have found that taking baths instead of showers balances the pressure inside and outside and makes things more comfortable. This should help no matter where your veins are troubling you.
I've been fortunate never to have had varicose veins in the legs. Support hosiery, not standing for long periods and spending time with your legs above your heart every day are supposed to help this condition.
Hemorrhoids are fixed by keeping the pipes cleared. They are caused by over-straining on the toilet. As I discussed before, the slower metabolism of us over-35 moms means that this is something that requires serious attention. High fiber, lots of water, and exercise help this. My personal go-to is prune juice. Whatever works for you.
The third kind is found almost exclusively in mothers of many children: vulval varicose veins. They generally are on one side or other of the external labia and are not a problem for birth, they're just darned uncomfortable. If you can get a hold of comfrey leaves, making a poultice and putting it in a pad is supposed to help. If you don't have an herb garden, you might be able to find them through an online herbalist. However, an easier remedy to acquire is witch hazel from the local drugstore. Soak a pad with it, and put it in the freezer and it will ease the discomfort when you use it. I actually find that, in the third trimester, when the baby is carrying more forward and less inside the pelvis, they go away. But, that's me. The only time vulval varicose veins are a problem are when they cross the perineum at the time of birth. At that time, you run the risk of a rupture of the vein. Your doctor or midwife can give you advice about how to proceed with your delivery.
Friday, July 13, 2012
The "M" word - Metabolism
Yes, it really does happen. Your metabolism slows down after 35. And that means a few things for us as over-35 pregnant mothers.
1- We gain weight more easily when pregnant and have a harder time losing it afterward.
I always gain a lot of weight when I'm pregnant, but with the later pregnancies I've gotten to higher and higher weights. Until baby number 6 at age 36, I always got back to my wedding weight or even below, a svelte 112 lbs. I haven't been able to get much below 120 unless I went on a drastic fast, and more recently, its been 130. Not good when you're only 5'2".
They talk about eating for two when you're pregnant, but that is an old wives' tale that doesn't hold water. God was smart enough to recognize that women would not always be able to increase their food intake when they were pregnant, so not just over-35 mothers, but ANY pregnant mother's metabolism slows down. It gives her body more food value out of the food she eats. While, of course, your doctor may have advice for you depending on your needs, --we had a friend who was so terribly thin that her doctor's prescription was a peanut butter brownie sundae before bed - every night! She could hardly choke it down-- generally speaking, we don't really need a lot more food. However, the slower metabolism has other ugly results that require some dietary addressing.
2- "Constipation--- it's making me wait!" Can't you just hear the old song?
We are not talking mild irregularity where you say, "Oh, dear, I guess we'll see some action tomorrow." We are talking pain from the ribs down, two weeks without a bowel movement, hemorrhoids, bleeding from the rectum, NOTHING IS MOVING constipation.
This is the kind of constipation that affected me with Mimi, 10 years old now, my first baby after 35. It was so bad that when her water broke, nothing happened. At all. For 48 hours. I had two doses of castor oil, ginger tea, and an enema and nothing came out that I hadn't just put in. The bowel wasn't moving, so neither did she. We finally went to the hospital to be induced and she was born an unprecedented 75 HOURS after rupture of the membranes.
NOTE: Not everyone can deliver that long after rupture of membranes. My only saving grace was that no internal exam had been done. Once an internal has been done, the clock starts. I believe it is 12 hours later that the baby has to be delivered or there will be concern about infection. PLEASE DOUBLE CHECK THIS WITH YOUR DOCTOR OR MIDWIFE.
Back to our riveting story. The week after she was born, my colon emptied and left my bottom feeling more burned and raw than the delivery had. So, how did I change things after that pregnancy?
3- Prune juice. I wish something else worked. Just having a big salad didn't cut it. I've been trying to cut back on my carbs and increase protein this pregnancy. This just makes the constipation worse. I've tried psyllium husk in the hopes that the greater water intake plus the bulk of the husk would save me carbs since I detest prune juice and don't want to waste good carbs on it. Nope. I was only in week 14 and already not having easy movements, even with the psyllium husk. So, I came home, looked at a dusty bottle of prune juice and choked down 14 oz. Hours later, rather than days, after bubbling and burbling in its lubrication of my colon, we cleared the pipes from the past week. Hallelujah! Angels are singing! And I guess I'm stuck with prune juice. You can try increasing your produce intake, particularly of dried fruit, and try laxative tea, but, personally, prune juice is God's gift to me.
1- We gain weight more easily when pregnant and have a harder time losing it afterward.
I always gain a lot of weight when I'm pregnant, but with the later pregnancies I've gotten to higher and higher weights. Until baby number 6 at age 36, I always got back to my wedding weight or even below, a svelte 112 lbs. I haven't been able to get much below 120 unless I went on a drastic fast, and more recently, its been 130. Not good when you're only 5'2".
They talk about eating for two when you're pregnant, but that is an old wives' tale that doesn't hold water. God was smart enough to recognize that women would not always be able to increase their food intake when they were pregnant, so not just over-35 mothers, but ANY pregnant mother's metabolism slows down. It gives her body more food value out of the food she eats. While, of course, your doctor may have advice for you depending on your needs, --we had a friend who was so terribly thin that her doctor's prescription was a peanut butter brownie sundae before bed - every night! She could hardly choke it down-- generally speaking, we don't really need a lot more food. However, the slower metabolism has other ugly results that require some dietary addressing.
2- "Constipation--- it's making me wait!" Can't you just hear the old song?
We are not talking mild irregularity where you say, "Oh, dear, I guess we'll see some action tomorrow." We are talking pain from the ribs down, two weeks without a bowel movement, hemorrhoids, bleeding from the rectum, NOTHING IS MOVING constipation.
This is the kind of constipation that affected me with Mimi, 10 years old now, my first baby after 35. It was so bad that when her water broke, nothing happened. At all. For 48 hours. I had two doses of castor oil, ginger tea, and an enema and nothing came out that I hadn't just put in. The bowel wasn't moving, so neither did she. We finally went to the hospital to be induced and she was born an unprecedented 75 HOURS after rupture of the membranes.
NOTE: Not everyone can deliver that long after rupture of membranes. My only saving grace was that no internal exam had been done. Once an internal has been done, the clock starts. I believe it is 12 hours later that the baby has to be delivered or there will be concern about infection. PLEASE DOUBLE CHECK THIS WITH YOUR DOCTOR OR MIDWIFE.
Back to our riveting story. The week after she was born, my colon emptied and left my bottom feeling more burned and raw than the delivery had. So, how did I change things after that pregnancy?
3- Prune juice. I wish something else worked. Just having a big salad didn't cut it. I've been trying to cut back on my carbs and increase protein this pregnancy. This just makes the constipation worse. I've tried psyllium husk in the hopes that the greater water intake plus the bulk of the husk would save me carbs since I detest prune juice and don't want to waste good carbs on it. Nope. I was only in week 14 and already not having easy movements, even with the psyllium husk. So, I came home, looked at a dusty bottle of prune juice and choked down 14 oz. Hours later, rather than days, after bubbling and burbling in its lubrication of my colon, we cleared the pipes from the past week. Hallelujah! Angels are singing! And I guess I'm stuck with prune juice. You can try increasing your produce intake, particularly of dried fruit, and try laxative tea, but, personally, prune juice is God's gift to me.
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Staying pregnant
As I was saying before, getting pregnant and staying pregnant are two different things.
I never worried about that before, but I noticed friend after friend with multiple children, never had a problem, hitting 40 and, suddenly, they miscarry. It seemed that most of the time, you never heard of them being pregnant again. I have since come to the conclusion, from my own experience, that it's not that they didn't get pregnant again, but that the baby died so soon that they didn't have a chance to share it with anyone. That was my experience.
At 42, I got pregnant, right on schedule, and three days before my 43rd birthday, I miscarried. We saw it coming. There was no heartbeat, I had stopped gaining weight (which I'm very good at, by the way), and the morning sickness had stopped sooner than normal. There was no baby. It was a blighted ovum, a baby that has started but not continued past the point where there is much more than a umbilical stem. However, I had continued to grow. I was filled with blood clots and lost almost a third of my blood volume in two hours. I was one hematocrit point away from needing a blood transfusion. Three months later, I miscarried again. Just one contraction, and a small, gelatinous puddle of blood about the size of a silver dollar with that same little stem, and the pregnancy was over.
What we discovered is that many women over the age of 40 have enough estrogen to get pregnant, but not enough progesterone to grow the baby until the placenta takes over progesterone production at 14 weeks. Just before Noah (3) was started, we found out about the Magic Bullet.
The Magic Bullet, as it is fondly known, is a progesterone suppository. They have tried pills and shots, but the direct approach, targeting the source, has been found to be the most effective. It is inserted directly in the vagina as close to the cervix as it can get. Two different chemicals are compounded with a light wax that melts at skin temperature, 94.4 degrees, according to my friendly neighborhood pharmacist. It is in the shape of a little torpedo and can only be prepared by a compounding pharmacy. Wal-mart won't cut it. Walgreens, CVS, or, in our case, a small private pharmacy with compounding facilities is the only way to get it. The chemicals can be overnighted, so we got them as soon as we needed them; it was finding the pharmacist that was the challenge! Abri and I were heading out on her 13-yr-old trip to Mammoth Cave on a Friday and Steve called it in to a local pharmacist in Kentucky. He had the chemicals that day and when we showed up on Saturday, he mixed them up and we had a nice talk with him while the wax set. When we needed it renewed, he shipped it to us in Wisconsin with a cold pack, since it needs to be kept where it won't melt prematurely. I have gotten it in pill bottles, boxes with tiny compartments, (looking very much like a box of ammo), and encased individually in plastic. It has become the go-to solution for any age woman who is having a dangerous looking first trimester.
Which has put us in an interested moral dilemma. Steve loves all our children and gets excited about every time we have a baby. But for me, this time was different. I had come to the conclusion that I was done having children; the likelihood of getting pregnant was too great, I was too old, etc., etc. It wasn't easy, recognizing that I was in a different life stage. It was very much an identity crisis. All of the moms in our homeschool group have small children, and, while many of them have decided not to have any more children, the possibility still remains. I figured, for me, that it didn't. It was like looking wide-eyed into an abyss. What was I going to be in that next stage? But I came to terms with it. I gave away my brand new maternity clothes that I had actually gone out and bought - no more hand-me-downs from people who are not shaped like me! I had taken down the crib for the first time in 18 years. I was giving away baby clothes. And I turn up pregnant!
And I debated telling Steve. At all. I was getting used to the idea of a new life stage. I could just not say anything and quietly miscarry in a week or two (he's still not convinced that second miscarriage was even a pregnancy - he's prudent about major things like that) and life would go on.
And therein is the moral dilemma. It is the same dilemma that occurs in late-life medical decisions. If you know of a procedure that could save a person's life, but you choose not to use it, is it tantamount to murder? On the other hand, if the person can't live without that procedure, was their life meant to continue? Some people may say that the life of an old person who is in the last weeks of life, who has lived a full life is different from an unborn child, who can't even be identified visually as a child yet. I look at it from a purely selfish standpoint, off in the future and I think, "The next time I would be having a baby I would be 50. Fifty! 5!0! At what point does this become ridiculous?" But just because it is not the norm to be having a baby at that age does not mean it is ridiculous. Technically, progesterone is infertility medication, but it is relatively inexpensive. I need two fills of the prescription ranging in price from $60 to $120. I pay more for a blood panel. It is not a hardship to our family, nor is it placing a burden on people paying insurance, having their costs go up because I want an expensive treatment to get pregnant. Every single one of the patriarchal wives in the Bible were barren and had babies in their thirties and beyond; in Sarah's case, she was 90! My children are still excited about us having a baby, so there is no emotional drama over the pregnancy. Abri and I hiked 20 miles in 3 days above and below ground at Mammoth Cave when I was 6 weeks pregnant, so there are no health issues. Our midwife pointed out that having had no Downs' babies in my previous post-35 babies, my chances of having one now are not high. Steve's excited. We already have all the baby gear, so there's no increase of expense there. I would be fine not having anymore children, so I have no psychological mess of needing to have a baby to make me feel loved, or whatever psychobabble you want to throw at it. So, why would I think it ridiculous to be having a baby at 50, as long as God sees fit to make me pregnant? Only the views of modern society that say that women are supposed to have their children and then live their lives. I mentioned that I was pregnant at knitting group and was met with dead silence. Later, a lady did congratulate me, but I'd never been confronted with the dead silence before. Fortunately, at 46, I could handle it. You don't learn how to boss 9 kids around without learning to be confident in yourself to some extent. But, that is the only reason I can think of to be appalled at the thought of being pregnant at 50, perhaps. The ancient Jews would call me blessed! So, there it is: I'm blessed!
I never worried about that before, but I noticed friend after friend with multiple children, never had a problem, hitting 40 and, suddenly, they miscarry. It seemed that most of the time, you never heard of them being pregnant again. I have since come to the conclusion, from my own experience, that it's not that they didn't get pregnant again, but that the baby died so soon that they didn't have a chance to share it with anyone. That was my experience.
At 42, I got pregnant, right on schedule, and three days before my 43rd birthday, I miscarried. We saw it coming. There was no heartbeat, I had stopped gaining weight (which I'm very good at, by the way), and the morning sickness had stopped sooner than normal. There was no baby. It was a blighted ovum, a baby that has started but not continued past the point where there is much more than a umbilical stem. However, I had continued to grow. I was filled with blood clots and lost almost a third of my blood volume in two hours. I was one hematocrit point away from needing a blood transfusion. Three months later, I miscarried again. Just one contraction, and a small, gelatinous puddle of blood about the size of a silver dollar with that same little stem, and the pregnancy was over.
What we discovered is that many women over the age of 40 have enough estrogen to get pregnant, but not enough progesterone to grow the baby until the placenta takes over progesterone production at 14 weeks. Just before Noah (3) was started, we found out about the Magic Bullet.
The Magic Bullet, as it is fondly known, is a progesterone suppository. They have tried pills and shots, but the direct approach, targeting the source, has been found to be the most effective. It is inserted directly in the vagina as close to the cervix as it can get. Two different chemicals are compounded with a light wax that melts at skin temperature, 94.4 degrees, according to my friendly neighborhood pharmacist. It is in the shape of a little torpedo and can only be prepared by a compounding pharmacy. Wal-mart won't cut it. Walgreens, CVS, or, in our case, a small private pharmacy with compounding facilities is the only way to get it. The chemicals can be overnighted, so we got them as soon as we needed them; it was finding the pharmacist that was the challenge! Abri and I were heading out on her 13-yr-old trip to Mammoth Cave on a Friday and Steve called it in to a local pharmacist in Kentucky. He had the chemicals that day and when we showed up on Saturday, he mixed them up and we had a nice talk with him while the wax set. When we needed it renewed, he shipped it to us in Wisconsin with a cold pack, since it needs to be kept where it won't melt prematurely. I have gotten it in pill bottles, boxes with tiny compartments, (looking very much like a box of ammo), and encased individually in plastic. It has become the go-to solution for any age woman who is having a dangerous looking first trimester.
Which has put us in an interested moral dilemma. Steve loves all our children and gets excited about every time we have a baby. But for me, this time was different. I had come to the conclusion that I was done having children; the likelihood of getting pregnant was too great, I was too old, etc., etc. It wasn't easy, recognizing that I was in a different life stage. It was very much an identity crisis. All of the moms in our homeschool group have small children, and, while many of them have decided not to have any more children, the possibility still remains. I figured, for me, that it didn't. It was like looking wide-eyed into an abyss. What was I going to be in that next stage? But I came to terms with it. I gave away my brand new maternity clothes that I had actually gone out and bought - no more hand-me-downs from people who are not shaped like me! I had taken down the crib for the first time in 18 years. I was giving away baby clothes. And I turn up pregnant!
And I debated telling Steve. At all. I was getting used to the idea of a new life stage. I could just not say anything and quietly miscarry in a week or two (he's still not convinced that second miscarriage was even a pregnancy - he's prudent about major things like that) and life would go on.
And therein is the moral dilemma. It is the same dilemma that occurs in late-life medical decisions. If you know of a procedure that could save a person's life, but you choose not to use it, is it tantamount to murder? On the other hand, if the person can't live without that procedure, was their life meant to continue? Some people may say that the life of an old person who is in the last weeks of life, who has lived a full life is different from an unborn child, who can't even be identified visually as a child yet. I look at it from a purely selfish standpoint, off in the future and I think, "The next time I would be having a baby I would be 50. Fifty! 5!0! At what point does this become ridiculous?" But just because it is not the norm to be having a baby at that age does not mean it is ridiculous. Technically, progesterone is infertility medication, but it is relatively inexpensive. I need two fills of the prescription ranging in price from $60 to $120. I pay more for a blood panel. It is not a hardship to our family, nor is it placing a burden on people paying insurance, having their costs go up because I want an expensive treatment to get pregnant. Every single one of the patriarchal wives in the Bible were barren and had babies in their thirties and beyond; in Sarah's case, she was 90! My children are still excited about us having a baby, so there is no emotional drama over the pregnancy. Abri and I hiked 20 miles in 3 days above and below ground at Mammoth Cave when I was 6 weeks pregnant, so there are no health issues. Our midwife pointed out that having had no Downs' babies in my previous post-35 babies, my chances of having one now are not high. Steve's excited. We already have all the baby gear, so there's no increase of expense there. I would be fine not having anymore children, so I have no psychological mess of needing to have a baby to make me feel loved, or whatever psychobabble you want to throw at it. So, why would I think it ridiculous to be having a baby at 50, as long as God sees fit to make me pregnant? Only the views of modern society that say that women are supposed to have their children and then live their lives. I mentioned that I was pregnant at knitting group and was met with dead silence. Later, a lady did congratulate me, but I'd never been confronted with the dead silence before. Fortunately, at 46, I could handle it. You don't learn how to boss 9 kids around without learning to be confident in yourself to some extent. But, that is the only reason I can think of to be appalled at the thought of being pregnant at 50, perhaps. The ancient Jews would call me blessed! So, there it is: I'm blessed!
Pregnant for the Umpteenth Time
I'm pregnant! With baby number 10 or baby number 13, depending on how you count. Unless, of course, it's twins, in which case, we will have 10 children for about 5 minutes and move right onto number 11.
I'm pregnant and I will be 47 in two weeks. A double whammy. Back when I was keeping it a secret, I was at Barnes and Noble with Becki, my 16-yr-old and a couple of friends of hers, and surreptitiously looked at the family and child-rearing books. There were 3, count 'em, three, books on having babies after the age of 35, but even they were all about first babies. Had a little talk with the midwife, and she suggested I write a book. Well, I'll blog about being pregnant over 35 and with multiple pregnancies, okay? Because having more than even 4 children changes the issues of pregnancy, and being over 35 throws some even more creative curves into your curve ball. I just realized that I have had more pregnancies over 35 than under. So, I'll be sharing some things that I have learned.
FIRST! Getting pregnant is one thing. Staying pregnant is another. Obviously, for me, getting pregnant isn't an issue, though it is for many mothers over 35.
Back when I was on baby number two, I called the head of our home birth practice, Dr. Mayer Eisenstein, with Home First in the Chicago area. He had a Saturday morning radio program on Christian radio. He was wonderful. He's the only person I've ever met who could out-talk my mother. (She claimed it was because he was standing up and he held the microphone.) Anyway, I got pregnant with Mick only 6 months after Ben was born, and I called about whether I should take any supplements or do any particular exercises to ease the wear and tear on my body, since, who knew how many children I would be having. He said that nursing automatically gives you some spacing, so you won't be cranking them out every year, but also, after the age of 33, your body drops down in its egg production. "It would be surprising if you had more than 7 children." (He was right, because I have not maintained a pregnancy on my own after number 8. More about that another day.) While, after 33, you will probably continue to have regular periods, you simply aren't producing that many eggs, which is why so many women who wait to have babies have a challenge getting pregnant.
ON THE OTHER HAND! I talked with a lady at a retirement party who had had two children and gotten remarried at the age of 41. She did a ton of research and discovered that, if you have already been pregnant earlier, getting pregnant at "an advanced maternal age" is not usually a problem. The system has been kicked in already. Which explains all the Amish going strong into their forties and yuppies having to spend tens of thousands of dollars to get pregnant the first time at age 34.
I have no advice for getting pregnant. Steve and I gave the bigness of our family to God when we got married and it wasn't until after Mick was born and 6 months came and went and I wasn't pregnant, waking up in the middle of the night convinced that I was pregnant and the test was wrong, wondering if something was wrong with the baby (I wasn't pregnant, I was just assuming), that I realized something. I hadn't given God the smallness of our family. After I confessed to the Lord that I would be perfectly happy if all we had were our little boys, I got pregnant. While I am a firm believer of giving the Lord the desires of your heart and then He turns around and gives them right back to you, I know that sometimes he causes our desires to change. We might not have gotten pregnant again. Those few weeks of nighttime trauma are my only experience with infertility.
In all fairness, I have never again had two children so close together and I have always figured that it was because we changed our feeding patterns for the babies. We thought we were doing well to wait till 6 months to give Ben solids. We made our own baby food in the blender. But after getting Dr. Rosi's talk (also from Home First) on how to feed your baby from the table, we have given no liquids except breast milk until 15 months and have introduced real food from the table. I got pregnant with Mick 3 weeks after Ben started solids. After Mick, the babies were almost exactly two years apart. Out of 10 birthdays, we have three Augusts and three Septembers. Dr. Eisenstein was right! Nursing does space them out!
I'm pregnant and I will be 47 in two weeks. A double whammy. Back when I was keeping it a secret, I was at Barnes and Noble with Becki, my 16-yr-old and a couple of friends of hers, and surreptitiously looked at the family and child-rearing books. There were 3, count 'em, three, books on having babies after the age of 35, but even they were all about first babies. Had a little talk with the midwife, and she suggested I write a book. Well, I'll blog about being pregnant over 35 and with multiple pregnancies, okay? Because having more than even 4 children changes the issues of pregnancy, and being over 35 throws some even more creative curves into your curve ball. I just realized that I have had more pregnancies over 35 than under. So, I'll be sharing some things that I have learned.
FIRST! Getting pregnant is one thing. Staying pregnant is another. Obviously, for me, getting pregnant isn't an issue, though it is for many mothers over 35.
Back when I was on baby number two, I called the head of our home birth practice, Dr. Mayer Eisenstein, with Home First in the Chicago area. He had a Saturday morning radio program on Christian radio. He was wonderful. He's the only person I've ever met who could out-talk my mother. (She claimed it was because he was standing up and he held the microphone.) Anyway, I got pregnant with Mick only 6 months after Ben was born, and I called about whether I should take any supplements or do any particular exercises to ease the wear and tear on my body, since, who knew how many children I would be having. He said that nursing automatically gives you some spacing, so you won't be cranking them out every year, but also, after the age of 33, your body drops down in its egg production. "It would be surprising if you had more than 7 children." (He was right, because I have not maintained a pregnancy on my own after number 8. More about that another day.) While, after 33, you will probably continue to have regular periods, you simply aren't producing that many eggs, which is why so many women who wait to have babies have a challenge getting pregnant.
ON THE OTHER HAND! I talked with a lady at a retirement party who had had two children and gotten remarried at the age of 41. She did a ton of research and discovered that, if you have already been pregnant earlier, getting pregnant at "an advanced maternal age" is not usually a problem. The system has been kicked in already. Which explains all the Amish going strong into their forties and yuppies having to spend tens of thousands of dollars to get pregnant the first time at age 34.
I have no advice for getting pregnant. Steve and I gave the bigness of our family to God when we got married and it wasn't until after Mick was born and 6 months came and went and I wasn't pregnant, waking up in the middle of the night convinced that I was pregnant and the test was wrong, wondering if something was wrong with the baby (I wasn't pregnant, I was just assuming), that I realized something. I hadn't given God the smallness of our family. After I confessed to the Lord that I would be perfectly happy if all we had were our little boys, I got pregnant. While I am a firm believer of giving the Lord the desires of your heart and then He turns around and gives them right back to you, I know that sometimes he causes our desires to change. We might not have gotten pregnant again. Those few weeks of nighttime trauma are my only experience with infertility.
In all fairness, I have never again had two children so close together and I have always figured that it was because we changed our feeding patterns for the babies. We thought we were doing well to wait till 6 months to give Ben solids. We made our own baby food in the blender. But after getting Dr. Rosi's talk (also from Home First) on how to feed your baby from the table, we have given no liquids except breast milk until 15 months and have introduced real food from the table. I got pregnant with Mick 3 weeks after Ben started solids. After Mick, the babies were almost exactly two years apart. Out of 10 birthdays, we have three Augusts and three Septembers. Dr. Eisenstein was right! Nursing does space them out!
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